Best Experienced With: Everclear; Santa Monica
(please right click on the link to open the suggested background music for this evening’s plan in a new browser window)
Going to take time away from what was going to be this evening’s treatise on the debt swaps and general poor behavior of Greece. Was also going to discuss the countries that knowingly turned a blind eye to the Greeks while watching the Euro rise against the dollar. Those of you that pop up The Attic for really silly, yet easy to understand business lessons, please climb back up here on Friday. We will have fun ripping on Greece and the French and explain debt swaps.
Have been blessed with an innate ability to sometimes look at complex situations, find the lowest common denominator rapidly and offer a simple solution that generally works well for mankind.
Today’s USA Today had a front page article on how many census worker jobs are still unfilled as of last week. Ever the fan of irony (and yes….that is true irony because it is not the expected result), I read the entire article instead of doing what I usually do….read every third adverb. Seems the Census Bureau needs 3,800,000 workers by August and they are millions short now. Moreover, the Census Bureau is turning away applicants because the applicants do not meet the language requirements needed in some neighborhoods. More on this in a bit. How’s your beer? Need another? Great…please get me one while you’re up. Thanks!
My dating “n” is higher than the general population for three reasons. First, I am Irish. Second, I am old. Third, I have only spent twenty-six of my thirteen thousand months on this earth in a betrothed state. Eight women I dated confided in me that they had been sexually assaulted. Went to therapy sessions with three of them.
Today’s Los Angeles Times had a second section article on how challenging it is to find housing and jobs for sex offenders when they are released from prison. As we saw with John Gardner, (another gentleman that I will most certainly put in the line named Tortured For Eternity by Mully with Mr. Vick and Mr. Jackson when I get to hell) this creates a big problem for society in general and women in particular. As we all know, with Mr. Jackson it was society in general and children in particular.
What loops in your mind when you go to bed at night? Two of the women with whom I attended therapy said their abuse looped in their head each and every night they went to bed. Every single night. How horrible that must be.
The recidivism rate for sex offenders is ridiculously high. Most sex offenders will always ruin someone else’s life. This is where my innate ability to solve business challenges comes into play. Take notes: this plan will work and we can implement it with minimal muss, fuss, or societal outrage.
The Census Bureau turned away 1,200,000 qualified potential workers because these 1,200,000 folks did not speak the language needed in the neighborhoods being canvassed. These 1,200,000 people are still available for government work. We are having a problem “placing” sex offenders when they have served out their prison sentences. Mind of Mully suggests that an out of box plan would be to place them in the ground.
As each sex offender was released from prison or a half way house, a driver would pick them up in a red, windowless panel van. One job created right there for the van driver. Three gentlemen in the back would immediately throw a blanket over the convicted sex offender and all three would bludgeon the sex offender with lead pipes as the driver took the quickest route to a large field. Three more jobs right there. Two non sex offender government workers would be waiting in the field with a grave ready to go. All six would throw the lifeless sex offenders body into the grave, throw the dirt back in and plant something nice, like a purple anthurium. See how the language requirement is moot here? Beating sex offenders to death with a tire iron requires no special language training! Brilliant………………………….
Six new jobs created and significant money saved by simply placing the sex offender in the ground. Brilliant! William of Occam’s head pops up for the third time in four weeks.
Those of you worried about the registered sex offenders in your neighborhood, please give me a shout or simply shove a napkin under one of the doors here at Chez Mully. I’ll get a team of six out to you next day. Heck, I’ll even drive the van! And you can bet your bippy that I will love every minute of it.
The Mind of Mully
I am still dreaming
Of your face
Hungry and hollow
For all the things you took away