Best Experienced With: Faster Pussycat; Babylon
(Please right click on the link below to open the suggested background music for this evening’s treatise in a new browser window. Nothing kicks off a party better than that first line….”living in L.A. is so much fun.” Hell of a song. Has always been a favorite.)
The song you cued up when you started reading by right clicking on the link above has been running through my head each time I see one of the new 2011 Congresspeeps interviewed by a talking head on a network. Man, but we sure elected some morons three weeks ago. When I am Emperor of the United States, there will be a test that each candidate must pass before they can enter a primary race. Each of us must take a driver’s license test before we can borrow mom and dad’s car to drive around drunk at sixteen. The potential damage is more severe if we allow morons to get into a primary race, as we shall soon witness in Washington DC this spring.
Below is the test. See how you do. I scored a 4.
When I am Emperor of the United States, a passing grade for those desiring a spot on any ballot is 33/35, to keep it somewhat biblical for the far right wingers. Moreover, “33” is on the back of all Rolling Rock bottles and “Thirty-Three” is a damn fine Smashing Pumpkins song. On your marks, get set….
- Please explain the Interstate Commerce Clause of the United States Constitution.
- Please name a President who invoked the ICC within the last thirty years and explain why he chose to invoke it.
- Please list the primary colors
- Please explain how primary elections work
- The Cat in the Hat had two helpers. Please name them.
- Iraq has two primary Muslim sects. Please name them.
- How many Highlanders can there be?
- Please put the following Russian rulers in the proper chronological order with “1” being the first leader and “6” being the last leader in chronological order. Of course, then “2”, “3”, “4”, and “5” will have to be in there as well, although you probably already figured that out. If you did not already figure that out, please place your pencil down and leave. You are forbidden to be on any ballot. Thanks for playing.
- Nicholas II _____
- Lenin _____
- Stalin ____
- Khrushchev _____
- Brezhnev _____
- Yeltsin _____
- Who is the current leader of Russia?
10. How did that person get the gig running Russia?
11. Whose puppet are they?
12. Is the statement ‘this statement is false’ true or false?
13. Please name three Andrew McCarthy movies without mannequins in them.
14. Please explain the difference between pornography and obscenity
15. Please explain which (obscenity or pornography) is covered by the First Amendment
16. A man has to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of corn across the river. He has one rowboat and this rowboat can only carry him and one thing across the river at one time. If the fox and the chicken are left on one side together, the fox will eat the chicken. If the chicken and the corn are left together, the chicken will eat the corn. How does the man do it? Please show your work using arrows.
17. Of those who settled this country back in “the day”, fought the British, established the current government, and wrote the Constitution, what proportion were actually born here?
18. True or False. The form of government structure in the United States is a democracy.
19. True or False. The form of government structure in the United States is a Republic
20. True or False. Razzles are a candy.
21. True or False. Razzles are a gum.
22. True or false. Razzles are first a candy, and then they’re a gum.
23. True or false. Little round Razzles are so much fun.
24. You take a trip to Venezuela because you have to keep them as a friend because they have a whoooooooole lot of oil. You land at the airport coming from Washington DC. Please explain precisely how you will adjust your watch.
25. You are standing, blindfolded, on a continent. Here are your continent clues. Many of the soldiers on this continent are child soldiers. Some believe that mankind sprung from the “fertile crescent” on this continent. Up until fifty or so years ago, France the Netherlands, Portugal, and the UK ran some of the countries here as feudal estates. Whew, man it’s hot here! On what continent are you standing? (no peeking, please)
26. When interest rates rise, the price of T-bills generally does what?
27. What is a T-bill?
28. As a country’s debt rises, it’s currency value versus the other currencies in the world, generally does what?
29. The town drunk in the TV show Mayberry RFD was named what?
30. In terms of rules and such that we citizens of the United States must follow, what trumps the Constitution and things Constitution-like? What would overrule them?
31. What is the IMF?
32. What is the WTO?
33. What is OPP?
34. Marginal revenue will always be less than price as a monopolist tries to increase the number of units sold because
- Total revenue will decline as additional units are sold
- Production costs will fall as output rises
- The greater the sales, the smaller the profit
- In order to sell additional units, the firm must reduce the price of all the units it sells.
35. A tax of $100 per computer levied on all computers sold will have the effect of:
- Lowering the supply curve of computers, but by less than $100
- Leaving the supply curve of computers unchanged.
- Raising the supply curve of computers by exactly $100 per computer
- You cannot tell how supply will be affected without more information
36. In Leviticus 11:9, we are clearly instructed not to eat shellfish with the following lines: “These you may eat, of all that are in the waters. Everything in the waters that has fins and scales, whether in the seas or in the rivers, you may eat.” This is a two parter. In part one, please list out the portions of the Bible that will lead you to keep marriage a woman & man thing during your term serving this country. In part two, please list out the executable action items that you will initiate to get clams, oysters, and shrimp off of the menus in United States restaurants.
Extra Credit: What will you do to get shellfish out of all the grocery stores in the United States.
“Partying in Bell Aire with Buffy and Biffy…”